Black Men Love black women

If we listen to the rap music that’s playing or talk to women who have dated (and been heartbroken by black men), it may seem as if black men do not love black women. The societal message that “black culture” portrays is that our men do like us. Our men even hate us. But my experience with the men that I’ve encountered tells me that this narrative just isn’t true.

In a recent article that I read on xonecole, the writer asked 20 men about things that they wanted women to know. I found it extremely interesting that one of those things were that they loved black women (no matter their skin color and hair texture) as long as they possessed qualities that attracted them. One man even went as far as to say that he ONLY wanted to date black women. Another man made a point to note that men didn’t care whether women made more money than them, they only cared about the ATTITUDE these women had as a result of making more money. These men were saying things that I have learned to be true across the board.

Let me make a few points clear before I continue with this article. Point 1- a man who’s had his heart broken will most likely be standoffish to relationships and love. Not because he doesn’t want a relationship and love, but because he has had a negative experience with it in the past and he is afraid that it will happen to him again. Point 2- A man has to be ready for a relationship for him to entertain the idea of one. We, as women, expect a man to be on the same page as us WITHOUT HAVING SAID CONVERSATION, then get mad when that man isn’t in a “relationship space” like we are. Point 3- women need to stop makng assumptions about what men want; we also need to stop expecting men to know what we want without us telling them. This is insanity. I’m just saying.

I grew up around a LOT of boys who turned into men. One thing that I have always seen growing up is that boys/men will take sex from anyone who is offering it, but they crave relationships and intimacy. I have had many conversations with men who craved relationships (friendships), equality, and genuine affection from their partner. We were raised to believe one of two things: either the man is the breadwinner and provider for the household, or that the woman is to be independent and take care of herself. There was never an in-between where men are the breadwinners but the women contribute to make the household flow effectively. Men crave that in-between. Every man that I know is a breadwinner but they don’t want to feel like someone only wants them for their money. They LOVE black women- it’s actually amazing to hear them describe women and their attributes (which are not sexual might I add). I spoke to a man who has been married for the last 15 years, and he said to me “I love my wife. My favorite thing about her is the fact that she is my friend and my lawyer. She will tell it to me straight, then handle whatever mess I got myself into. I wouldn’t be where I am without her”.

We women have placed these extremely high (and sometimes unattainable) expectations on what we believe men want from us. We think that we need to be perfect, with a big booty, our hair must always be in place, and our face must be beat to the high heavens. In reality, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Almost every man that I asked said that they prefer a natural face, they couldn’t care about our hair as long as it looks nice, and that booty or no booty doesn’t matter- as long as WE are attractive and have a great personality they will be head over heels for us. And skin color is irrelevant to most men! Sure, some have their preference, but overall men do not care. We do. I remember having a conversation with a friend and he said “your girlfriend is super pretty-do you think she would talk to me?” I replied “I thought you only like light skinned girls?” He said “I’m attracted to personality. The skin tone might catch my attention but if the personality is great I’m hooked”. We create expectations about what men like! What they actually like is completely opposite from what we trained ourselves to believe.

The biggest issue that I’ve heard women have with black men is that they “don’t like our attitude” and would rather deal with a WHITE WOMEN because they are easier to handle. WHEW!! I couldn’t believe how many times I had heard this. Let’s look at a few truths. 1- men either date/marry someone who is like their mother or the opposite of their mother. Most men in my age bracket (30-40ish) grew up with strong mother’s who took care of the household, may have been a single working mother taking care of multiple children, and/or raised by strong grandparents. These men are attracted to strong women who are able to be indepedant and take care of home with/without a man in it. For the men who grew up with mother’s who were abused, addicted to drugs, or absent, they are still looking for strong women because this is the OPPOSITE of what they grew up with. 2- I’ve noticed that a majority of women in that same age bracket are stressed, tired, single mothers who need help (even if they won’t ask for any). They’ve also dealt with more than 1 man who promised them the world but only gave them McDonald’s and have now built up a disdain for men in general. This makes for a bad precursor when they do meet a man who is interested in a stable relationship. 3- many of us have been through some form of disappointment, let down, heartbreak, and/or trauma in our early years that we were taught to PUSH DOWN and GET OVER. After having to do this over and over as we were growing up, we’ve built this shell/wall around us that comes off as angry, “bitter”, reclusive, or unapproachable. All of these issues combined together have allowed for the opportunities to be presented that allowed for the belief that “black men don’t like black women because they are always angry”. When in reality, by the time we meet one another each of us are dealing with trauma that we project onto each other. Projected trauma only leads to people hurting each other, which in turn add onto the trauma. It’s a vicious cyle.

I am in my early 30’s. I have encountered many men, both within my familial dynmanic (including close friends) and people that I have met through work, business dealings, networking, etc. I have seldom encountered a black man who didn’t love black women. And I mean they LOVED black women. From the resiliency, to the independance, to the nurturing and mothering ability, to the physical attraction- they loved black women. A family member of mine made it a point to tell me that he loved women so much that he couldn’t just settle for one- he needed to have multiple women in his life because they all served a purpose for him- spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually. Because I am now a trauma-informed life and relationship coach, I see things differently. I realize that I am blessed to have experienced men who loved women, respected women, and protected women around me my entire upbringing. I know that many people have not experienced that and it plays a major part on the role they see themselves and other women play in relation to men. It’s easy to believe that men do not love and respect us if they haven’t seen and experienced it. Actually, we have seen it, in the form on celebrity’s. Russell Wilson & Cierra, Remy Ma & Papoose, and any other successful celebrity that you can think of (sorry- I’m not big on celebrity’s). We think it’s unattainable for us but it’s not.

If you only take away 1 thing from this article, let it be this: you attract what you are ready for. Whatever space you are in mentally and emotionally is the same space that you will attract to you. If you are dealing with personal issues, holding on to things that happened in the past, or are unwilling to let go of someone emtionally, you will attract people who are in those same spaces, which makes for a troublesome encounter. If you want to meet someone who is going to love YOU, then you must first love yourself. If you want to meet someone who will take care of and protect you, you must first learn to take care of and protect yourself. You can only ask for a partner that will match you and your energy levels. Happiness can only attract happiness. Ever heard of the saying “misery loves company” or “hurt people hurt people”? It’s true. If you want to change the type of people that you attract and change the types of relationships that you are encountering, then you must first do the work within yourself. I can help.

Black men love black women. Do black women love black men, and do black women love themselves? I love black men. And from my expierences, black men love the hell out of us back. I hope that anyone reading this can understand just how true my statement is.

As always, be legendary KINGS; be extraordinary QUEENS!

-tootles!

xoxo

If you would like to learn more about what I do, check out my website; if you would ike to book a call with me, use this link. If you want to shoot me a message saying hello on Instagram, I would love to hear from you!

Marriage: 5 Truths & a Lie

When we think about marriage, most people think about the wedding day. The dress, the tux, the food, the party, the vows- the glitz and the glamour. You don’t hear people talk about the days that follow the wedding day. Getting married is such a huge deal, but being married is this far-out concept; what exactly does that look like? I decided to do a 5 truths & a lie about marriage- from MY perspective.

Truth #1: You’ll go through waves of being in love with your partner and falling out of love with them.

We tend to confuse being IN LOVE with someone and having love for someone. Loving someone is a daily, conscious choice. You are choosing to overlook bad habits, choosing to not pick certain arguments, choosing to still cook for them even after they’ve gotten on your last nerves. But being in love with someone is the cumulation of a bunch of positive actions that this person has done for you which causes you to crave them. You can love someone and not want to be around them every day or have a sexual attraction for them. Being in love with someone makes you want to be with them all the time, they are sexually and physcially attractive to you, their presence brings you peace. It’s normal for you to fall in and out of love with your partner, because we are not perfect. They (or we) will do things that are annoying, there will be fights/arguments, schedules and work and kids and life gets in the way. It happens. We just need to be mindful when we realize that it is happening and make a conscious effort to do the things that are needed to fall back in love again. Whether that be more date nights, more time spent relaxing together, more time talking insteading of arguing- whatever you need at your current stage of life to ensure that you’re falling in love over and over again, make sure you communicate that to your partner.

Truth #2: You are going to want to leave your partner, at least once.

During the course of a HOPEFULLY long and fruitful marriage, things are going to happen that will cause you to get to a point in which you’ll feel like you want to leave the relationship. The fights may grow in intensity, you may wonder “what if” you chose a different path, work and home life can become overwhelming- you may get to a point where you just want to quit. If you’ve had feelings like this BEFORE you were married, chances are these feellings will arise during your marriage also. And it is completely normal. Things get tough in life, and there is no difference for marriage. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve wanted to (or actually did) break up with my partner. But when the dust settled and I came to my senses, home was where I wanted to be, and that included being with my partner. Tough times don’t last, especially if you seek counseling, therapy, or coaching to help you get through them.

Turth #3: Sex and intimacy decreases if you don’t make them a priority.

When two people get comfortable with each other, they tend to let things slip. It may not happen overnight, but gradually over time. Until one day you wake up and realize that you’ve been super cranky for the last week and it’s been 4 months since you’ve had sex with your partner. Life happens, especially if you have kids and a super busy schedule. It can easily be overlooked and put off to the side when you’re always tired after a long day of work. But since we are talking about this now, let’s not let it get to that point. be intentional about keeping up the intimacy and sex in your household. Plan date nights (they don’t have to be on the same day every week), plan sex nights, steal intimate moments throughout the day. Send sexy pictures and text messages, and kiss often- especially when you’re mad at one another. The easiest way to get over an argument is to talk it out, come up with a solution, then have sex afterwards. I know, I know- females are extremely emotional beings and tend to dry up when they are angry with their partners. But what I’ve learned over the years is that’s when the intimacy is needed the most. The more disconnected you feel with your partner, the more you need to invite intimacy into the equation. Inviting intimacy in keeps tensions low, allows you to have a clearer head, and is an easy way to ask for or give forgiveness (especially if that’s hard for one of you to say). Now, I’m not telling you to fuck all of your problems away, but I am telling you to not take sex off of the table when you are having problems. Allow the sex and intimacy to help you resolve the problems.

Truth #4: You will hurt each other.

Remember earlier when I said that we weren’t perfect? It is human nature to try to hurt someone who’s hurt you first. Especially if they hurt you deeply. We can’t help it. That doesn’t change just because you are married and committed. If anything, it gives you better leverage to hurt that person even more because you’ve learned all you can about them and now you have ammunition. It will happen. There are some hurts that are inflicted unintentionally- those hurts are workable and you can come back from. Tensions were running high, there was a lot of stress for some task or another to get done, or things were just not going well for a really long time. We get it- your back was against the wall and you lashed out and you hurt them. Unfortunately, this is life and it happens. It’t not the end of the world, or your marriage, but it will take time to mend the wound and rebuild that trust. If you have a good partner (or even a great one), the effort to fix and repair it is worth it. There are other hurts however that are done with the intent to break you down and cause emotional and psychological pain. Those hurts don’t get better, they only get worse. And you should leave. Quickly.

Truth #5: Parenting will put a strain on your relationship, especially if you are step-parenting.

Parenting is not easy. Single parenting is downright difficult. But co- & step-parenting can leave you wondering if a marriage is really worth it. There are a lot of different factors that go into parenting- how you were raised vs how the other parent was raised, what discipline looks like to each of you, what rewards and gifts look like to each of you. Trying to find an alignment within the household where two people come to an agreement on how to raise little people can be difficult. Especially because kids are extremely smart little manipulators that know how to play one parent against the other. But add a 3rd parent into the equation and sometimes this is a recipe for disaster. Creating a routine for two people can be tricky but it’s definitely manageable. Once you start having children, this tricky schedule turns into calendars and reminders and sticky notes of a life. We aren’t taking into account the new personalities that you now have to juggle because they are constatly growing and evolving. My kids literally turn into a new person every 6 months- it’s hard to keep up with and they belong to me. Add my partner in and now I potentially have a house filled with landmines that we are all actively trying to avoid. How do we handle this?

I have a few different ideas for solutions that have worked with my clients in the past; if something seems like a good fit for you, by all means- have at it!

  1. have a conversation about what each parent’s role with the child(ren) are. Who is responsible for appointments, games, homework, trips, discipline, etc. The clearer you get on who will do what, the easier tasks are to handle
  2. Have a conversation with your kids about what the roles for the parents are, and the rules for the household (if you are co-parenting with another parent). Explain that what happens at the other parent’s house may not be acceptable in yours, and vic versa
  3. Talk about the tough parenting moments that you’ve had with the other parent. My daughter has made me cry more than once, and being able to talk to my partner about why I reacted how I did allowes him to be empathic with me but also gives him understanding on how to talk to my daughter about why what she did or said was wrong and how it affected me
  4. Don’t try to handle parenting all on your own. You have a partner who is EQUAL in your household and in the child(rens) lives- use it to your advantage
  5. Don’t let your kids run games on you. Because they will try to, and if you and your partner do not have good communication they will succeed.

Lie: Being married is completely different from being in a committed relationship.

I’ve heard from so many people who said that marriage is totally different from a relationship, and I asked them to explain to me how it was so. My answers? Marriage is a “committment before God”, or “marriage is a binding agreement”, or -my favorite- “marriage you can’t walk away from”. The absolute truth is that there is no difference. If you are in a committed relationship with someone- a relationship where you are living together, raising a family together, making sacrafices for your partner’s peace and happiness- you have a marriage. Sure, there aren’t any papers or rings, but what do those things actually do that makes the word MARRIAGE any more significant than a committed relationship? I can only speak for myself, but the committment I have to my partner ensures that I am not walking away from him. Ring or no ring, paper or no paper, we are in this for life. Isn’t that what a “marriage” is supposed to be anyway? An agreement between two people (and maybe some witnesses) that no matter what, they will do what it takes to ensure that the household and each other are good until death does them part? But, I will take the perks of having the title, and the name, and the health insurance. A ring doens’t hurt either. *wink, wink*

The greatest takeaway that I want people to walk away with is this: marriage isn’t one-size-fits-all. You have to tailor your marriage to you and your partner, and ensure that what you guys are doing works for YOU. We have all been embedded with what our parents think a marriage shoud look like, and those ideologies may not work for you today. Create your won pattern, your own routine, your own peace and happiness. Make it work for you, and make your marriage last as long as you want it to last. Hopefully, that’s forever.

As always, be legendary KINGS; be extraodinary QUEENS!

-tootles!

xoxo

If Only Fairytales Were Real…

Growing up, I was surrounded by little girls who couldn’t wait to grow up and get married. But their scrapbooks weren’t filled with pictures of a family life and kids; their books were filled with pictures of brides in beautiful gown, men in tuxedos, and crowds of people gathering around to show love and take lots of pictures. It was always the princess and the knight in shining armor. But the story always stopped there…..

I was never a fan of princesses. My brain and curiosity always wanted to know what happened after the big wedding. I was surrounded by marriages that had children out of wedlock, unhappy spouses, and couples who didn’t spend any time with each other. My grandparents (whom I still look up to) didn’t do anything to add to my investigation. My grandmother only had 7 children but my grandfather had 12. It came as no surprise that I never wanted to get married.

Fast forward 20-something years and I’m now in my mid twenties and dating a man who sold me a dream. After watching The Huckstables, The Winslow’s, and The Banks’, I wanted what they had. They showed life AFTER the wedding. That was valuable to me, that was what I was hoping was real. That was why I believed all the lies. Once I realized that I wasn’t going to get my happy ending from him, I had a choice to make. Either give up on something that I knew was attainable or believe that what my family portrayed as “family life” would be my reality. Those who know me know that I don’t settle, so I held on to the notion that I would one day be able to have a family that looked like those on tv. Not because I wanted what they had, but because I wanted happiness.

As I aged into my adult years, I started to see something, started to notice a pattern. Almost all of my peers (people I grew up with or knew through a friend of a friend) were getting married and STAYING married. They had what looked like happy homes. I knew it! I knew it was possible and I now had more hope through their marriages. Ok, cool. Now I just have to find my imperfect perfection. Well, let’s see how this goes… lol!

They say that love always comes when you least expect it. According to my ex, no one was ever going to want me with 2 kids; no one would ever love me like he did. Man oh man- I prayed that wasn’t true because if what he was giving was love then I didn’t want any parts of it! But God knows exactly what you need and exactly when to give it to you.

I don’t have perfection, there’s no such thing. But what I do have is everything that I expected, and then some. I have a love that is unconditional, showing rather then telling. Doing rather then feeling. Growing rather than staying stagnant. Since I never believed in princess stories, I guess what I have is part 1 in a movie. And every day that it continues, we just keep adding on to the greatest movie ever created. And hopefully, our kids will grow up to create the sequels.

Moral of the story- never give up on love, and create your own fairytales.

As always, be legendary KINGS; be extraordinary QUEENS!

-tootles!

xoxo

Old Me, New things

For everyone who has been following me and this blog since 2016, thank you! Thank you for the feedback, the comments, the reviews, and letting me know that my stories and advice have been able to help you someway, somehow.

I didn’t realize just how many people have been in the same or similar situations that I have had to overcome. It also dawned on me that many people may not have been able to work through their trauma and/or abuse the way that I have been able to. This made me determined to find a way to help others, a way to allow people to identify their hurt so that they could then let it go. The most effective way, for me, was to become a coach. And that’s exactly what I did. I researched and enrolled in a bunch of different programs and received a lot of certifications, but I am proud to say that today I am a certified Trauma-Informed Life Coach, Relationship Coach, and Parenting Facilitator. I am also a certified Domestic Violence Specialist.

As a coach, I will now offer coaching services in the form of one-on-one sessions and group coaching sessions. My goal is to provide affordable coaching to mothers transitioning out of an abusive relationship, parents who are having a hard time connecting with their child(ren) for reasons like (but not limited to) defiance, acting out, difficulty communicating, transition issues, and becoming a new parent. I work with singles who are ready to get back into the dating feild, and couples who are having difficulties in their relationship/marriage. I offer life coaching to people who feel like they are at an impass and can’t figure out what to do next, where they’re supposed to go.

As a coach, I want to help people realize their ability to make a difference in their situations, their lives, their outcomes. I aim to enrich people with the tools they need to see the change that they desire. Because although I am here to coach you, YOU are the expert in your life. I’m just here to guide you to find the right methods, tools, and healing for you.

I am excited to share this with you. I have been coaching in my new niche since January of this year and my clients have had amazing success thus far. I asked them to provide me with feedback to see how the program was going for them and I was blown away by their responses! Read some here:

“My coaching experience has been life changing, I feel extremely understood and reassured. For the first time since becoming a mother I have hope that I can successfully raise my child even if co parenting with her father is not possible.” -Parenting Coaching Client

“Kishna j has been my business coach since 2017 I took a break for about 3 yrs from working on the business because life happens! When I came back to kishna she welcomed me with open arms . She is very knowledgeable,honest, and patient. I love that she listens like really listens !!! The way she puts your dreams into a solid business structure is amazing!!! I will always recommend her services to everyone I know!” -Business & Life Coaching Client

“She is sweet, understanding and a great motivator.” -Trauma-Informed & Parenting Coaching Client

I am currently taking on new clients, so if you would like to schedule a call with me to see if it would be a good fit, please use this link!

I am super excited guys! And I am glad that I was able to find something that fit my experiences, my stregnths, and my business mind so perfectly.

Oh, I had to put the blogging and podcasting on the backburner for a while because of covid and all of the classes that I was taking, but we are back now! More blogs and more podcats are on the way. And have you been checking out the IG live shows every Monday? Go check out the old shows and tune in today at 6:30p EST. Today’s topic is traveling with kids because we all know how hectic that can be! Lol.

As always, be legendary KINGS; be extraordinary QUEENS!

tootles!

-xoxo

Introducing….. Me!

Hey Guys!

My name is Kishna. I’m a mother of 2 beautiful little toddlers, I work full time, I have a full time small business, and now I’m a blogger. My life is absolutely amazing, absolutely crazy, absolutely hectic, and absolutely all mines.

Have you ever thought of what your life would be like AFTER you decided to have children? I’m pretty sure you had everything figured out. You would have the kid (check), stay home for the full 6 weeks + to care for your child (check), you would have a spouse to help you with your child, work, and home life (check), you would work shorter hours so that you could spend more time with your child (check), you would have an awesome work/life balance (check). Now let’s look at reality. If you’re anything like me, you started back working right after you got cleared from the doctor, your spouse and you didn’t really work out according to plan, and you feel guilty because there is no way in the world your kids still remember who you are! Obviously, this isn’t the way I thought that things would go.

Okay, so I am exaggerating a bit. I have found a way to balance out my work and home life pretty decently, but it took a whole heck of a lot of practice and discipline. And a lot of guilt (on my part). Why do we always feel guilty that we aren’t spending enough time with our kids? Or that our kids are somehow being neglected if we pick them up late, work while we’re home, or we put them to bed early? This was definitely not in the plan when I decided to have children. But, who’s plans go according to schedule anyways?

This is my blog- about my life, after I had my kids. Join me for a crazy, fun, dramatic, whirlwind adventure as I laugh and cry about my crazy parenting/single/working life experiences.

Welcome, and enjoy!

Hello, World? Can I Catch A Break Now?

Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to have a really chilled glass of wine? Then drink the whole bottle in 5 gulps? No? Yeah, neither have I. But I have had days where I want to just lay in the bed all day long and ignore all my phone calls. And my rumbling stomach. How in the heck am I supposed to deal?

I hate having bad days. It’s like I have a bad day, and that’s when my kids decide that they want to be cranky, ask me a million questions, spill their food on the floor, pee on themselves, splash water everywhere during bath time, and refuse to go to sleep. By the end of the day, I’m ready to just pull all of my hair out. I think I have pulled some out. It was by accident though; I didn’t realize my strength that day (emoji face). Why can’t all of our days just be easy going? I feel like all moms should have the luxury of not having bad days. We carried babies for 40 weeks, and some of us had to get cut open to get them out. Give us a break dagonit!

I love my job. I love my life. I love my kids. And I hate bad days. Actually, I hate CONSECUTIVE bad days. One bad day I can deal with, but bad days back to back? That’s like the world is saying “hey, you! Yeah, you! I’m going to mess with you. Just because!” I mean, I know that’s not realistic, but that’s what it feels like. If the world was a person, I think I’d kick it’s a** every once in a while. I’m just saying…

So, I’ve come up with a way to manage the stress of life. Ready? The secret is…… Play hopscotch. No, Seriously- go play hopscotch! Hoolahoop. Do jumping jacks. Play with your kids. Being active makes you feel better. The only thing is, I’m really lazy. And by the end of the day, I don’t feel like being extremely active. But then, my daughter starts singing the hokey pokey and my son starts dancing around. And all of a sudden I get this burst of energy and we all start dancing, jumping, and singing all over the house. We run around, we act silly, and we fall down laughing. The antidote to a crappy day is happy kids. At least, my antidote is.

So come on world, send me another crappy day! Well, no. Don’t actually send me another one; I hate those. But if you do send me one, my babies will make mommy feel better. And, I’ll still be gorgeous. I really wish that I could put emoji’s in this thing…. (emoji face)

Is Saving Money Possible?

There are so many self-help books and websites out now that claim to teach you how to save money and invest in your future. Open up saving accounts, IRA’s, stocks, blah, blah, blah. I’ve tried a bunch of different ways to save money, and I’ve failed a bunch of times.

So, how did I finally figure out how to save money? I didn’t. I just managed to manage my money better. I have 2 separate accounts in which I divide my money into. One account I use to pay all of my bills, and the other account I use for miscellaneous activities. And I use my online banking app. This helps me to track all of the money that I am putting out, and allows me to check what my remaining balance is.

The first thing that I do is tithe, I put 10% of whatever I make aside so that when I go to church I have it on hand. Then I pay whatever upcoming bills I have: rent, car insurance, house insurance, kids’ schools, diapers, wipes, etc, etc, etc. Whatever I have left (hopefully it’s more than $10), I use for what I need. I don’t save. At least, I don’t think this is saving. I tried putting money into a closed saving account in which I wouldn’t touch, and something random happened and I had to touch it. I gave money to a close relative to hold every time I got paid, and again I had to touch the money. I realized that I don’t make enough money to save! Lol! So I figured out that I needed additional income. So I started my own business. Now, that does make a huge difference in cash flow, and how much money I have left over after paying necessary bills.

My advice? Find something that your good at, and charge people for it. It doesn’t have to be much- $5 for helping fix resumes, $10 for babysitting, $20 for a batch of cookies or a pretty cake. And watch those small funds add up. They make a huge difference in what you have left over at the end of the month, and you’re not pinching pennies or eating ramen noodles for dinner every night of the week.

Now, don’t get me wrong- if you never learn to manage your money, you’ll always be in the red no matter what you do. You can make $300 a week or $3,000 a week and still be broke. Financial management has been a huge issue for my generation. And I have, by no means, figured out the key to making money last longer. But I am working on the key to figuring it out. It’s right next to my schematics on building my time machine. It should be completed by March 2020. 🙂

Balancing…. Life!

Hey guys!! It’s been a while, I know.

Have I ever told y’all what I do for a living? Cuz I am bout to now. Lol. So for my day job, I am a Program Coordinator (I come up with different things/activities that the organization can do to benefit people within the community), I am the Marketing Coordinator (I make appointments to go talk to social workers and support coordinators to introduce the company, what we do, what insurances we take, etc.), and I am the grant writer. That’s self explanatory, but for people who don’t know what grant writing is, it’s basically searching for foundations, organization, and federal funding (money) that they are willing to give to non-profits and for profits for certain projects. It’s extremely time consuming and requires a ton of research. I then started my own business doing grant writing and business consulting, and I’m working on starting a non-profit for girls and women. To say the least, I’m always doing something.

I have to force myself to not get burned out by the end of the day. Especially with two toddlers running around the house. Between the constant mommy! calls, the fighting, the toys all over  my house, the juice on the floor, and my son clinging to my legs, I have a good reason to just call it quits by 9pm. But, I still have dinner to make, hair to braid, baths to give, stories to read, covers to tuck, and prayers to recite before I can have some ME time. I think I want to clone myself. One part of me will work, the other part will be the mom, and the last part will just lay around and relax for the other 2 working parts. Now, that’s a good life. We can rotate positions on a monthly basis so we all have a chance to take a break. Please, Jesus, let this become reality! Lol.

You have got to be extremely motivated to balance working and mommy life. Like, EXTREMELY motivated. Because it can and will take a toll on you. You’ll miss out on important events, a dating life, a social life, birthdays, holidays, sex…. Wait, sorry- I just went off on a mini tangent. But, as demanding as it is, I just cannot see myself doing anything else. Yes, I am ALWAYS tired (I actually dozed off twice while writing this), but I love being a mom, working with a non-profit, and running my own business. I just hope that I still have hair left by the time I turn 35… Lol!

I promise to try and do a better job at blogging. And figuring out how to do this from my cellphone. That’ll probably make my life a whole heck of a lot easier. Tootles! xoxo

How Much For an Oil Change?!

Why is it that us women get taken advantage of at the mechanic’s shop? It’s like, men run the shop, and think that we women have this immeasurable amount of money to dispense on cars just because. We aren’t expected to know what a cam shaft position sensor is, where a throttle body is located, or how to replace the seal in the head gasket. Yeah, I know a thing or two.

My ex had a mechanic that he used that was pretty good with pricing and did really good work on cars. Welp, I’m single now, and I don’t have that go-between buffer of an ex that I used to have. Thus being said, an oil change now costs me $200. Changing my oil pan is expensive because, and I quote, “the front of the car has to come off and we need to move the engine in order to take the old pan off”. (emoji face). But when I Youtube’d it, it’s just a drop and swap job. My price for changing my starter was $500,  but my ex’s price was conveniently only $250. Prejudice at it’s best, no?

I just do not understand why we have to pay all these crazy prices for the same exact services that men need. We make less money (even though we are smarter and more educated), we have more to pay (because realistically no matter how involved they are in their child’s lives, we always end up paying for more), and we are extremely more attractive so we should get a discount just because (emoji face! Lol).

Also, I wonder if anyone can explain to me WHY these same mechanics fix whatever it is we bring the car to them for, and then they also tamper with something else which forces us to bring the car back to them to get fixed. Again. I mean, if you want to see my pretty face, you could just ask for a picture or a date. No need to sabotage my ride. I need my mom-mobile, sir. Thanks.

Why aren’t there any female mechanics? And if they are out there, where the heck are they?! I’m tired of paying these inflated prices. Batting my lashes and wearing a short skirt hasn’t been working for me thus far. I wonder- if I wear a baseball cap and really baggy pants, will I start getting regular prices for my labor? I know how to change a tire, shouldn’t that count for something? Sheesh! You mechanics are killing us females. It isn’t fair. There should be a law against it. Or, at the very least, we should be able to get our oil changed for free. I think I’ll start a movement for that. What should my slogan be?…… I just spent like 10 minutes thinking of one and I couldn’t. I’ll get back to you on that (places note next to time machine schematics).

*Tootles!*

Kids Say The Darnedest Things…..

Heeeeeeeeeeey y’all! I haven’t been able to write a blog in such a long time- I got busy, busy, busy! I am now working on rescheduling my days so that I can come back to you beautiful people.

In the meantime, I have been a mommy (like that’s ever gonna change). My oldest is 3, in day school, and learning more than I can keep up with. I love having conversations with her because she is just HILARIOUS! At least, to me she is. I think everything is funny so I am pretty sure that that helps. Lol. The other morning I was dropping her off. The teachers ask that we take the kids to the bathroom to use it and wash their hands before bringing them to class. Ms. Spunky (who likes to be referred to as Princess Elsa) runs to the bathroom. She sits on the toilet, and here is our conversation:

Mommy: are you pooping or peeing? Princess Elsa: I’m doing both mommy! Do I stink? Mommy: no baby, you don’t stink. Princess Elsa: I smell good mommy? *inhales deeply* mmmmmmmmm, refreshing!! Mommy: *chuckling* you are so silly! Princess Elsa: mommy, does my breathe stink? Mommy: *laughing* why do you think your breath stinks? Princess Elsa: I don’t know mommy, come smell it pleeeeeeease!!! Mommy: *smells her breathe* it smells like candy momma Princess Elsa: yeah. I don’t stink huh? Where does she get this stuff from?! I promise you, I was chuckling all day long from that one conversation with her!

Here is another one of our conversations. This day, she was herself.

Bella: mommy, this is MY house. Mommy: are you sure? I thought it was OUR house! Bella: no mommy, this house is mines. You and fatfat just live here. Mommy: so do you pay all the bills also? Bella: yes mommy. Mommy: well, where do you get the money from, do you have a job? Bella: yeah mom *huffs* I work for YouTube! Mommy: YouTube? What do you do there? Bella: I make videos. I could not contain the laughter- I laughed so hard that I had tears coming from my eyes. I think I need to switch jobs and start working with her because obviously they hire anyone.

I love my toddler. I love being able to have a conversation with her because she ensures that I laugh daily. She says the silliest things with a serious face! I cannot wait until my son can have conversations with me also. These nest 2 years are going to the be funniest years of our lives.

Talk to your toddlers! And read my blog! Lol

-xoxoxo