Written by: Janice Russell
Being able to work from home and raise your babies at the same time can be extremely rewarding. However, rewarding does not always mean easy, and there will be days when you feel as if the only thing you accomplished was keeping your little ones alive. While lost days are normal — especially when children are young — they can interfere with your ability to earn a decent living. If hard days occur more often than not, it may be time to rethink how you go about the whole working-while-parenting from home gig. With a few tweaks to your approach, you can live up to your potential as both a parent and employee.
Set Up a Distraction-Free Workplace
First things first … Set boundaries between your home life and work life. The best way to do this is by setting up a distraction-free workspace. Find a room with a door — preferably a sunny one, as research shows that natural lighting can help boost productivity — and set up shop in there. If you cannot dedicate a whole room to your home office, you should, at the very least, have a desk that is yours and yours alone. This can help you set and maintain boundaries, as you and your family both know that when you’re at your desk, you’re working.
Assess Your Resources for Childcare
If you have a healthy support system, you can likely find one or two people who are willing to take your littles for a couple of hours a day or week. Determine how much help you need throughout the week, then develop a plan for how you will ask for it. While your mom might not be willing or able to watch your toddler every day, chances are she would be happy to step in one or two times a week, which can equate to hours of uninterrupted work time.
Prioritize Your Schedule
Creating and sticking to a schedule for your child is important. However, children are unpredictable, and there will be days when naptime is only one hour instead of three, or when your toddler refuses to play quietly for an hour. To make the most of your workday, prioritize your own schedule. This may look like doing one or several of the following:
Also, schedule time with your child. To achieve a healthy work-life balance and make the most of your opportunity to work from home, it’s important to prioritize time with your little ones throughout the day.
Take Care of Your Own Mental Health
Working from home with children is no easy feat. Take time to nurture your mental health, which can be as simple as eating well, getting plenty of sleep and going for walks.
If it’s your job that’s draining you, consider a career change. Enroll in an online degree program to advance your career goals and still be able to work full time and care for your children. Online programs span just about every industry and can open the door to several new opportunities.
Working from home with children is tough. However, with the right mindset and tweaks to your daily schedule, as well as resources from Balancing Life & Kids, you can reach your potential as both a parent and employee.
Approximately 20 percent of U.S. homebuyers are single women — nearly double the number of single men. Real estate experts suggest this is because women have a strong desire to own their own property, need more space or want to relocate closer to their job, school, or family.
Some trends among buyers include the preference of two bedrooms or more, the city over the suburbs, condos over single-family homes, a desire for security, close to entertainment and modern day conveniences, and the willingness to compromise size in lieu of desirable amenities. Of course, buying solo can be more difficult from a financial and maintenance perspective, so Balancing Life & Kids explains how to navigate the process in an effort to become a successful single homeowner.
Figure Out What You Can Afford
First thing’s first: You’ve got to figure out what you can afford based on annual income, down payment, monthly spending, loan type and current average APR. Use an easy online tool
to help you through this process. Make sure you’re being realistic about your spending habits so that you’re not purchasing something that’s beyond your means. Secondly, it behooves you to pay off as much existing debt as possible — especially credit cards — in order to improve your chances of getting a desirable loan while being a more appealing candidate to a seller.
Factors To Consider When Choosing A Home
Once you figure out what you can afford, it can be easy to get scared off by the monthly payment. Sure, it’s more difficult to save on one income — especially if you have student loan bills and other forms of debt — but don’t let this deter you from your goal. Look into a down payment assistance program that can help you acquire your property with less money down. Worst-case scenario, consider lining up a guarantor or co-purchaser if you have a lower income, lack or reserve or overall funds.
As a single income household, It’s also important that you purchase a property below the amount they’ve been approved for so that you have a cushion for home repairs and other financial obligations and emergencies. In this case, consider a different neighborhood, a smaller property, or a fixer-upper.
Ease Moving Day Stress
When it comes to easing moving stress as a single homeowner, consider hiring professional movers and packers to help make the transition as fast and easy as possible. These experts know how to perfectly pack boxes to prevent damage, yet your goods will also be insured just in case. Find a moving company near you that gets top ratings from previous customers and that offers competitive rates.
Also, make sure you pack an essentials box that won’t get lost in the shuffle on moving day. This carton should contain crucial first night/day items such as toiletries, a change of clothes, pajamas, medication, pet items, snacks, disposable plates and utensils, cleaning supplies, bed linens, pet items, flashlight, bottle and can openers and an all-purpose tool. Keep your electronics, chargers, money and credit cards with you at all times.
When You Share the Mortgage
If at some point during your mortgage journey, you wound up in a relationship and decided to share the financial responsibility of homeownership, it’s important to know what happens in the case of a breakup or a divorce. Decide whether or not you want to buy out your ex’s interest in the house (or vice versa) or jointly sell the property to a third party — this is easier and cheaper for both of you.
When it comes to a divorce, selling is usually the best option from a financial and logical perspective, though it can be more difficult emotionally — especially if kids are involved. Alternatively, if one spouse wants to keep the home, it needs to be refinanced under their name if he/she can afford to do so. If you can’t afford to sell the home, consider a short sale (will have a negative impact on your credit score), rent the property or continue to live together until you can afford to move.
Buying a home as a single woman can feel like an overwhelming task at first, and there is definitely a lot to consider, but if you have the means and the desire, taking this plunge can be a great way to build your wealth and pave the way for a stable financial future.
After leaving an abusive relationship and getting back on my feet, I thought I had it all figured out. I had a great paying job, my business was becoming successful, and my kids were happy (as far as I could tell). So I couldn’t figure out WHY I was unhappy and what to do about it.
When I started dating my now husband, I had a lot of traumas resurface that I didn’t know that I needed to deal with. Daddy issues, abandonment issues, lack of self love, and I still blamed myself for the abuse from my ex. But like any hard-working person trying to push past the stuff they’ve been through, my issues always showed up as anger, isolation, an inability to be faithful, and constantly being defensive. I was walking around angry all the time and had absolutely no clue that I was doing so. Dating someone who was the complete opposite of my ex was an eye opener for me.
I sought counseling- at the time it was domestic violence counseling because I had finally realized that I was a survivor. And no shade to the organization and their counselors, but that didn’t work for me. I then tried a therapist, but again- it didn’t work for me. While they were helpful in getting me to identify feelings that I had locked away, they didn’t understand how the trauma I went through was affecting me. Hell- I didn’t either. So I took a pause on finding someone else to help me and decided to help myself. I did a lot of work identifying WHAT caused my trauma, WHY it caused it, what coping mechanisms I had created to deal with them, and intentionally unlearning them and replacing them with healthy processing habits. It was NOT easy, especially because at the time I had no knowledge or training in trauma and I was literally winging it. Well, my work paid off and I started to see a difference within myself, with the relationship with my kids, my performance at work, the relationship between my partner and I, and I found my entrepreneurial spirit again. Holding onto my trauma (unintentionally) had been keeping me stuck for too long!
Fast forward a few years, I made the decision to become a trauma coach. It amazed me how so much of the things that I was learning I had already implemented in my own healing. I literally coached myself through trauma and didn’t know it. The more I learned, the more I began to understand why things affected me how they did, how my responses were out of my control, and how my healing methods were extremely effective- not just for me but in general. I had tapped into a gift that not only helped me, but would help others also. I knew this was the right thing for me.
As I grew my business, I learned how to tailor the trauma approaches to my clients- I had to know and understand what they were dealing with in order to guide them towards a method/practice that would be the most beneficial for them. I had parents struggling with their narcissistic co-parent learn how to take back their power; I had married couples learn how to fight and communicate and want to stay in their marriage; I had licensed psychologist and practicing lawyers process their domestic abuse and release the negative impact that it left on them, I helped them learn how to love themselves again; I helped men going through divorce regain their sense of self. As I sat back and watched my clients turn their entire lives around, I knew that I had found my calling. This- being a life coach and trauma specialist- was my calling.
Because I am the daughter of a lifelong educator (thanks mom), I’m constantly learning and growing. Although I know a lot, I can learn more; because helping my clients find their healing methods is what I am doing this for.
I wrote a book on how I let go of my trauma. In it, I talked about some of my experiences and how I learned to release them and find healing. You can download your free copy using this link.
If any of this resonates with you, I would love to hop on a call with you. My schedule is always open for consults, and we can just talk. It’s completely free, and there is no obligation to book me as your coach (although I would love to work with you!) Use this link for your 30-minute call. I’m excited to hear from you!
Starting a business when you’re about to welcome a new baby – or if you recently have already – may seem unrealistic and well, foolhardy to some. It may also be necessary and while Plato may have surmised that “necessity is the mother of invention,” many single mothers (and women in general) likely identify more with Euripides: Nothing has more strength than dire necessity.
Women have the resolve for doing what needs to be done, and being confronted with motherhood tends to cement that determination. Fortunately, you are raising a baby in an era in which developing and running a home-based business is easier than ever – but don’t confuse “easy” with stress-free! You will feel overwhelmed at times, you will not get enough sleep, and you will have moments of incredible self-doubt, particularly if you have self-esteem issues or are working through past trauma. If you need a little extra help working on yourself while you work on your business, reach out to BLK – Balancing Life and Kids – to help you discover and harness the power and strength within you.
Getting started requires multitasking
Your challenges don’t just include working while taking care of an infant; mothers have been doing that for years. Unless you have a healthy nest egg, you will need to find a way to keep paying the bills while you’re getting your business off the ground. Take advantage of the many online apps and platforms that exist today to find some temporary “gigs” or piecemeal work. Once your baby arrives you may not be able to perform any offsite, such as grocery deliveries or picture-taking gigs, but the opportunities are still plentiful and varied – from selling items online to taking surveys or renting out a parking spot. And who knows? The experience may prompt ideas for your own business and how you can do or make something better.
You’ve likely already put thought into what type of business you want to pursue but if not, choose something that you know you’re good at. This may or may not have anything to do with previous jobs you’ve worked at because you had to in order to support yourself, so now is the perfect opportunity to pursue that passion. If you love weddings and events and pay attention to every detail, then an event or wedding planning business may be the ideal fit. If you love baking, a pastry or cake business is a great at-home business and easy to promote on social media. A few recommendations from your early customers can go a long way and soon you may be able to hire part-time help. Whether your strength is words or numbers, research ways you can turn your talents and experience into a successful business.
Once you have your business idea, plan, and name, formalize things even further with a Tax ID Number, also referred to as an Employer Identification Number or EIN. It’s easy to apply for one from the Internal Revenue Service. The 9-digit number it assigns becomes your company’s unique identifier so the IRS can track your payroll taxes, as well as your other quarterly or annual business tax filings. You’ll also need it to open your business bank account and to obtain bank credit or financing.
Getting a rhythm
Babies have a way of throwing a wrench into plans, so lay out your home office environment to help you work as efficiently as possible while you’re juggling infant demands. In the early weeks, this may mean having a bassinet in your office, as well as a comfortable chair for feedings. Another approach is to temporarily move your desk in the nursery if there is room to accommodate your workspace.
Accept the realities and limitations of your home-based business. You will still be tired, and may not be able to spend as much time with your baby, outside of meeting their needs, as you thought. However, you will also save money on daycare and have the peace of mind that comes with being your infant’s primary caregiver in those early weeks and months. However, don’t let that stop you from calling in reinforcements when you need them. Ask friends and family members to give you some relief, not just for sleep, but for during important phone calls or when you need to focus on other important business matters. As you can afford it, you can use a reputable babysitting service or app to get some occasional or even regular relief.
Be proud of yourself
Sometimes it’s inexplicably easier for women to be their worst critics than for them to be proud of their accomplishments, particularly when exhausted and alone. Don’t fall into this trap. Remember the positives of your situation: You get to make the decisions about your time, your money, your business, and your child. You own your successes as well as your failures, and as you pick yourself up time and again, you are more prepared to confront and conquer the next challenge. And if you ever need more help in discovering just how capable you are as an entrepreneur, a woman, and a human being, BLK can help.
Written by: Cindy Albridge
People can only dream about a perfect and inexpensive date, but only a few of them can make it happen.
When it’s about planning a date, couples usually don’t want anything costly. But they expect some cute little efforts to appreciate, for sure. Don’t misinterpret this point that some people might love royalty and dine at a fine restaurant with your partner, but still, if you think about it, it doesn’t seem practical at all.
If you are in a long-term relationship, it’s never a great choice to enjoy expensive dates many times a week. After all, you both may have financial concerns. That is the reason for having a list of free or inexpensive dating plans in your mind is an incredible idea.
You don’t have to spend a lot to enjoy some quality time with your partner, and the list mentioned below is the evidence.
Planning a picnic is one of the best ideas, especially if you feel like taking your date out to dinner or lunch but don’t like to spend much on it. Prepare delicious food (It doesn’t require to look fancy) for your girlfriend or boyfriend and present it in your backyard. Make it more about the extraordinary experience and less about the food or meal. If you put some effort into making your picnic place just perfect, your date will appreciate these little but special efforts for sure. Preparations for picnics cannot complete, without setting up a blanket or a few pillows on the ground of your backyard. Consider placing a short round table on the picnic blanket and set a few candles on it if you wish to experience something unusual or romantic.
You can likewise take a couple of flat but small rocks from your yard and use them as a table to place glasses or jars and prevent them from falling due to the uneven surface of your ground. You can decorate your picnic blanket with a few flowers and can get those even from your backyard. I repeat, nothing fancy is required. The creativity and attention to every single detail will make this picnic memorable for you guys. Also, it gives you an amazingly different experience. It’s going to be the best casual and inexpensive dining experience you’ve ever had.
Have you experienced roasting on an open fire in your childhood? If yes, then you might miss this activity. So, why not bring out your emotions with this cute little thought. There are so many incredibly portable fire pits out there if you don’t have a built-in one. Be cautioned that fire pits are better utilized on a stone porch because they can harm wood decks if not raised properly. Get some crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate for your yummy meal. Set it at a distance away enough to keep you protected from the flames of the fire and buy long roasting sticks. Also, get enough wood for the fire. Once you managed all these elements, the only concern left for your date is how you can prepare perfect marshmallows.
If you live near a major city with some great attractions, you can easily plan a day trip. You have to pay only the gas expenses if you bring your snacks with you. Find out some beautiful areas nearby or search on Google to look out for fun places around. You can plan a date on the beach, go for a bicycle ride, or spend a day in your neighboring city.
If these plans sound casual to you, then it’s time to be creative!
Plan a long trip to your romantic places. Go back as far as you can. The fact of the matter is to head to the places where you guys made exceptional memories and live those precious moments again. Those places might be where you propose to each other, where you had your first kiss, or where you buy your first apartment together. Follow the exact timing of those events (if possible) and visit them accordingly.
“Movie and dinner” might be one of the basic dating plans ever. Yet dinner and an outdoor movie? Now that sounds quite interesting. Transform the typical into phenomenal by placing a movie projector in your backyard. No need to worry! If you don’t have a built-in one. Because it simply requires a projector, rope, sheet, tape, and a few pillows to make yourselves feel relaxed, and a romantic movie, of course. Tie a rope between two pillars or trees and hang your sheet. Tape the knots if you are not sure about the stability. Set your white sheet, and the movie screen is complete now. Outdoor blankets, pillows, and other furniture are the best seating options. Because using indoor furniture will be risky and result in tarnishes or grass stains. Make sure you have different and enough snacks and, obviously, a large popcorn box.
Game night can be a fun plan for friends. However, it tends to be similarly enjoyable for a couple. Even if you have only a regular cards deck, that works too; there are many different card games that demand just two intelligent players. You and your partner can also play board games. If you have those, search through them. Check if there are any fun games that you both can enjoy together. Games like love letter, roll for it, or trivia games will be fine. Video games often make perfect date nights too. Search for those in which you and your partner can team up and play through different controllers. All you need is to buy just a couple of video games to make your date memorable or fun.
Puzzles are not excessively costly. There are many to be found under the cost of 10$ only. Usually, you don’t require a tough one unless you want to convert your date from game night to a puzzle night. You can also try a digital puzzle. The inspiring thing about solving a puzzle together is that you can complete it in a few minutes with your cooperation. There’s an unusual feeling of satisfaction when you are struggling to find a specific piece and finally discover it. The sense of achievement that you feel after completing the puzzle as a team is beautiful. Even you can stick the puzzle together with glue and frame it as a picture on your wall. It will always remind you about your date. However, it will cost you a little and make more sense than just buying a 100$ painting for your wall.
Coffee, tea, or dessert are inexpensive rather than going out for dinner. Even if you are willing to spend a little more, you can try new options that you wouldn’t order usually. Small cafes, bakeries, or coffee shops make incredible dates as they are perfect places for having pleasant conversations or gossips. You can make this date memorable by taking pictures in your crazy and funny poses. For that, you don’t need any extra arrangements other than having a smartphone, selfie-stick, or an optional tripod will be more than enough to carry for your date.
Get close and enjoy a pleasant conversation while waiting for the first bite of your meal. Fresh-caught fishes taste absolutely delicious, and these can be the best lunch or dinner ever. Even it doesn’t require being an expert, throw your fish on that grill and let the magic begin. You only need your equipment for this activity. But if you don’t have any, you can buy them easily because those are not even costly.
Give your partners a great massage because it is the best opportunity to impress them and turn them on. It can be very romantic when you set up the spot with some scented candles or flowers. Clearly, it’s less expensive as it only requires a few candles, flowers, or some essential oils that I guess you already have at your home.
Hikes that incorporate beautiful scenes like waterfalls can be the most romantic. Enjoying the view of sunset or sunrise from a pleasant spot during hiking, close to your favorite lake or beach, can be a great refreshment. You need to stop and appreciate the beauty of nature without having your smart gadgets on this beautiful journey. But simply getting out for a walk together can also be sufficient for both of you to enjoy nature.
If you guys are lucky enough to live in an area where you can enjoy the snow falling, sledding, or some other winter activities can be fun for all age groups. Play with the snow, make snowballs, and throw them on your partner. You have no idea how these moments will become the best memory of your life.
Try not to be late. It is a basic rule, yet many of you easily neglect it. Nobody likes to waste their time waiting for too long, and clearly, being late is disrespectful. Give yourself sufficient time to get dressed and try to show up at the decided place about10 minutes earlier. If you can’t make it on time, call or text your date to inform her.
Try not to get over-dressed. Clearly, you want to look stunning for your date and make an attempt to impress your partner by being well-dressed. Yet it’s good to dress as per the occasion you are going to. Suppose you and your partner planned a picnic and you chose a black dress or high heels, you would really feel awkward when you see your partner is in a casual t-shirt. So, try to get dressed according to the event.
Don’t talk too much about yourself that you start looking like a self-obsessed person. Dates are supposed to be great opportunities for both of you to know each other more before getting into a relationship or being committed. So, if you can’t control yourself from talking blabla about yourself, then you’ll ruin your date and leave an everlasting terrible impression. Also, keep in mind, it is not a stand-up comedy show, it’s a date. Try to get some information about your dates like their interests, dislikes, jobs, hobbies but nothing too serious.
Try not to discuss past relationships. Even getting a little information about their past experiences or feelings is a big “NO-NO”. It is inappropriate to ask on a date, especially when your intention is to spend some quality time with your partner. Because many people get offended or uncomfortable while talking about their past. If you talk about your ex, it might give your date hints that you haven’t really moved on yet.
Try not to drink too much on your date. If you’re a person who loses self-control after getting drunk, you know very well what to do then. Also, it’s always ideal to remain in an active state of mind to recall all the stuff that happened on your date so you guys can discuss it later or have some memories.
You invest a great deal of cash, energy, and time setting up a great life for your family. However, always remember your life as a couple too. It’s essential for both of you to stay attached, and dates are the best ways to do that. The best thing about romantic dates is: they don’t cost you a lot if you know the right options and you’re with the right person.
“It only requires a little bit of creativity to plan romantic, memorable, and cost-effective dates for your partners.“
If you are looking for help in creating a better connection with your partner, schedule a call with me here.
As always, be legendary KINGS; be extraordinary QUEENS!
“An outstanding love doesn’t come from two half-fulfilled people coming together to make one whole, complete life. Outstanding love comes from two whole people coming together to share and enhance their already full and beautiful lives.”
Love is incredible. It tends to be interpreted as synthetic, electrical responses in the mind or raised to magnificent levels of respect and functionality in our lives. Feeling love, and being loved, are experienced and understood differently amongst people and it manifests itself in various forms: parental love differs from what you feel about your friends, your love towards your partner is unique to you, loving your own self is a bittersweet journey or something as trivial as loving your comfort food holds paramount significance in your life. Irrespective of its form, it is idealistic to believe that all love welcomes us to be bold and uncover our most profound selves. In the same breath, it is also safe to say that love can feel like an unwanted spotlight that uncovers our dirtiest secrets.
With such dynamically understood and at times conflicting contexts, it should not shock anyone that there is a solid connection between self-esteem and the wellbeing of our connections. There is an inherent and scientifically proven dependence between a positive outlook towards yourself and a healthy relationship with your partner. If you have a low ability to be self-aware, that influences your actions, which subsequently influence your associations with others. That said, your battle to adore yourself doesn’t cheapen the affection you need to share, nor does it render you unlovable. Your capacity to adore yourself simply changes the manner in which you experience a caring relationship. The idea of practicing self-love while in a romantic relationship is something that gets neglected in status-quo. By the end of this article, you should be able to clearly understand what self-love is, how it looks within a relationship, it’s significance and a couple of ways to achieve it.
WHAT IS SELF-LOVE?
In order to understand how the concept of loving yourself and loving others is so intricately woven together, we must first have a clearer understanding of what self-love is in the first place. Self-love is a condition of appreciation for oneself that develops from activities that help our physical, mental and emotional development. It implies having a high respect for your own prosperity and joy, dealing with your own necessities and not forfeiting your growth to satisfy others. The foundation of self-love is to never settle for anything less than you deserve and that you worked towards; it is to ensure that you are not making due with short of what you merit.
Self-esteem can mean something else for every individual since we as a whole have various approaches to deal with ourselves. Figuring out what self-esteem resembles for you as an individual is a significant piece of your emotional well-being, for the characteristic feature of this kind of love is that it is only generated and sustained from your internal efforts and factors.
What shouldn’t be confused with this ideal is that urgent, human need to always be in competition and victorious over others. It isn’t being childish or vain. It isn’t restrictive on certain ideal results. What’s more, it’s not the misrepresented feeling of significance that comes from exemplary narcissism. When you truly love yourself, you consider it to be simply the unqualified help, care, and sympathy you give yourself that means great wellbeing, extraordinary confidence, bliss, all out equilibrium and prosperity.
It’s imperative to adore yourself due to the straightforward truth that you can’t deal with others until you deal with yourself first. At the point when you completely love yourself, this offers you the chance to travel through the world with more profound sympathy for other people.
Self-love is important to carrying on with a sound way of life, and an essential worth that can produce internal harmony and energy. Additionally, you’ll have more prominent strength to withstand any difficult life occasion or individual misfortune. Despondency, uneasiness, stress, and the fixation on flawlessness, will evaporate despite unadulterated idealism that confidence makes!
When we aim to practice self-love in our life, we must always remember the ideals that it is built upon, so that we can implement it in our lives more positively and constructively:
This is what self-love may look like for you:
The following are a couple of steps you can take to begin executing confidence in your life
Regardless of whether you don’t feel especially amazing, consider how far you’ve come, how beautifully you’ve endured and grown irrespective of circumstances. You’re here, at the present time, alive and amazing past your insight. Also, show restraint toward yourself. Self-esteem may not occur incidentally. In any case, with time, it will settle itself into your heart. Indeed, you may battle, yet you’ll think back on these minutes and perceive how they were venturing stones on your excursion to being the best you.
LOVING YOURSELF WHILE LOVING OTHERS
It may very well be hard to be seeing someone you don’t have a lot of confidence in. Frequently the weaknesses will prompt struggle, and once in a while the contention will prompt a separation. A typical suggestion is that you need to figure out how to cherish yourself before you even get into a relationship.
Obviously it assists with entering a relationship with a solid sensation of confidence. However, we can likewise believe that in the event that you are in an association where confidence is missing, and the space between you is poor, aggravating, and hurtful, things can be convoluted.
Learning self-esteem, and manifesting that actively in our everyday lives is a progressing cycle. It is anything but a switch you can simply flick on.
Methods to develop self-love if you are in a relationship
It’s unfortunate to permit the relationship to retain your character and to lose yourself personally. Keep your own customs, your own exercises, and your own companions. Part ways doing whatever you might want to do to sustain your spirit. Independence of thought and personality is of utmost importance.
The person who is your partner can improve the satisfaction that you support in yourself, yet it isn’t their duty to fulfil you. Ensure you assume the liability yourself. It’s arguably troublesome and it’s a diligent effort, however it’s freeing since you won’t permit your bliss to be directed by your conditions or by others. Rather than hoping to transform others, you work on yourself and ensure you address your own issues. Embrace the little day by day minutes you need to sustain yourself, such as plunking down with some tea or requiring ten minutes to think. This can help calm your brain, permitting you be available and to discover a snapshot of satisfaction in your day. Working through past torment is a continuous cycle, and keeping in mind that it’s nice to do it, it doesn’t need to keep you away from picking bliss.
People with low self-esteem are always suspicious of everything positive that is being said about them. Ask them what they find in you and what it is about you that they love. If you happen to do this routinely, where you have a conscious conversation about what your partner likes in you and vice versa, you will gradually take it installed and disguise it and begin to trust it about yourself. You may come to realise, “My highs aren’t that high however my lows aren’t so low.” A relationship is a mutually agreed upon bond based on trust, faith and love. It is a journey of identifying yourself individually as well as with your partner.
While a relationship may bring out the most cheerful and loving version of you, it will likewise reflect your flaws. Things you have figured out how to live with about yourself may disturb your partner. Humans as a whole remain imperfect. A few things can be disregarded; others may be something you need to deal with. In any case, don’t allow it to get you down or hinder self-esteem. Having flaws doesn’t define a relationship, it doesn’t determine the kind of person you are. The mechanism to learn out of and overcome said flaws is what is a characteristic feature.
Holding resentment against yourself impedes confidence. Disagreements and fights are bound to happen in every human relationship. At times, you end up saying more than what you’d decently do. While feeling regretful is normal, try not to thrash yourself about it.
Inspirational personalities have always taught us that adoration is something you decide to do, not a feeling that you feel. Regardless of whether you don’t feel like you love yourself, decide to act in a self-adoring way. Make time to sustain yourself and satisfy your own necessities. The most ideal approach to do this is to plan “personal time” regularly. This is a period where you put yourself first over every other activity and/or person. Do basic exercises that you appreciate and enjoy, that are solely for you and no one else influences your decisions.
It’s extremely important to set boundaries and stopping points for what you’re willing to permit from your partner. If they’re cold one day, hot the following, and you act like this thrill ride of a relationship is absolutely fine with you, they’ll trust it and normalise this eccentric behaviour! If you let one case of impolite conduct slide, it’ll make it seem this is acceptable. They’ll have returned to their imprudent ways by tomorrow. The issue here is that they want to have you anyway they need. Try not to permit it! Prize conduct you appreciate with your consideration and pull away from them when they do the inverse. Your accomplice will just carry on as severely as they probably are aware they can pull off, so persevere and don’t keep their principles. Compose your own.
In the event that you need your partner to believe you’re simply the best individual ever, you should deal with yourself like the best individual ever. Zero in on your objectives, undertakings, and dreams. Recollect how extraordinary they are! Nobody comprehends your requirements better than you do, so it’s dependent upon you to characterize them for the world. Your partner is figuring out how to appreciate you dependent on how you treasure yourself. Deal with yourself like the most uncommon fortune of a person and there’s no uncertainty your accomplice will be propelled to substantiate themselves commendable.
At the point when you love yourself, you can:
Loving yourself assumes a quite large part in your associations with others. At the point when you shift your attitude to see your relationship with yourself very much like some other relationship you want with another person, your relationship will flourish. Remember that the relationship you have with yourself is the one relationship that you know without a doubt you will have for the remainder of life, so why not make it the best relationship you have?
If you would like to talk to someone about learning how to love yourself more, book a call with me here.
As always, be legendary KINGS; be extraordinary QUEENS!
In this mobile age, we ignore face-to-face conversations with our loved ones. We sit on the sofas staring at phone screens while our faces get illuminated by its bright screen. But, in this race for being present online every time, we miss the satisfaction of face-to-face conversation with our loved ones. Crucial conversations are left out, and feelings remain unshared. As a result, we feel disconnected and separated from them, which remains true with our partners. Sometimes communication gaps increase to such an extent that it ends with heartbreak. Therefore, it is essential to communicate with your partner sharing your feelings and daily experiences to remain bound by love and feel connected.
WHY SHOULD YOU INCREASE COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR PARTNER?
Simply life is too long to spend alone. So, open up to your partner. Don’t remain in your cocoon. The process of sharing might seem hard in the beginning. But once you start sharing your problems, experiences, challenges, feelings, and even the things you enjoy. You will start realizing its beauty. You will feel light.
It doesn’t matter if your partner does not know how to handle the situation you are facing. But sharing it with them will help you to solve the problem faster as you feel supported. And even if you fail, you would know that you have your partner’s back. Hence, it is never too late to start sharing, no matter how much has passed. Your partner will always appreciate your initiative and will help you in your journey till the end. As we know, “Two is better than one,” it’s time to stop dealing and struggling with things alone. Let your partner peek into your heart and let them share the stress.
WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR COMMUNICATION
Sometimes you might not know how to have a friendly conversation with your partner, so here are ways you can follow to improve your communication:
Now you must have understood how to improve your communication with your partner. Follow the above steps and see the magic.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR PARTNER IF YOU’RE HAVING COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS LATELY
To improve your communication with your partner, you must know how they feel. But as the conversation is a two-way thing, you must also communicate your ideas with your partner. Here are few questions that you can use to resolve the communication gap in your relationship.
Asking these questions from your partner will make your communication better. One thing that you must remember is to monitor your speaking style. They must not feel that you are forcing it on them.
Some barriers prevent your communication with your partner, and you must break them before they break your relationship. Some of these barriers are:
So remember all these barriers and work towards removing them from your relationship. A barrier-free environment is crucial for effective communication.
BE POSITIVE AND SUPPORTIVE
Sometimes communication with your partner becomes less because they fear how you will react. Therefore, they try to hide things from you, and this decreases the communication with your partner. Support your partner in every up and down in their life; try to give them helpful advice. Keep reminding them that they can share anything with you. This way, you will create an environment that is supportive and positive.
If you are always unsupportive about your partner’s decisions, this will become a barrier. Your partner will think twice before sharing anything because they will think that you will reject their decision. Be positive, and give your suggestion but don’t force them to go the way you want them to go.
I hope you now understand how to improve your communication with your partner and why it is essential. So try to implement these with your partner. It might be challenging initially, but soon you will realize that your partner will also start sharing their feelings. This will make your relationship the strongest it has ever been.
If you are looking for a coach or counselor to help you within your marriage, schedule a call with me here.
As always, be legendary KINGS; be extraordinary QUEENS!
(Trigger warning: mention of sexual violence; mental trauma; physical and emotional abuse)
We’ve all heard the age-old saying that human beings are social animals. We are inherently wired to find connections with people and have interpersonal relationships. We create and nurture bonds with different types of people in every segment of our lives: from our childhood when our parents were the beginning and the end of our imagination; to making best friends as adolescents; adulthood lets us welcome spouses and diversifies our circle when work buddies, neighbors, pen pals, etc. are brought into the mix. While the face of the relationship may be different, the underlying principle remains the same: a healthy relationship is built on mutual trust and respect for one another. When this fundamental aspect of any relationship is challenged, the imbalance is highly likely to transform into what we call an ‘abusive relationship’.
WHAT IS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?
A relationship that witnesses any form of maltreatment or disrespectful and intense obsessive behavior by one person that leads to the physical, mental, emotional, financial or sexual degradation of another is what is called an abusive and unhealthy relationship. The common misconception among people is that such abuse is solely physical.
Physical harm is but just one form of it, and like it’s mentioned, there are many different yet overlapping ones too. While this blog aims to highlight how one can identify abuse in a relationship, it is important for us to understand how this menace manifests itself in the society, so that we know how to recognize and report it.
May this blog act as a handbook of questions that one may answer to identify relationship abuse in any form that it presents itself in. We also aim to highlight a few steps they can take to come out of it and report it to relevant authorities.
SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
If your partner in any relationship indulges in the following tactics that are harsh and diminish your self-esteem relentlessly, aim to make you feel ashamed of your inadequacies, indicate at controlling your life or threaten you in any way, you may want to evaluate your relationship’s nature:
NOTE: Seeking help and reporting abuses of such kind is extremely important for both an individual and the society at large. An abuser must always suffer the consequences of what they consciously choose to do over a prolonged period of time. While the victims must show courage and need to have the support of the masses in this difficult time, we must always ensure that we have the basic decency to give them the liberty of time and space to proceed in this journey of healing.
WHAT CAN ONE DO?
On that note, here are a few things that you can do if you could relate to the aforementioned points and identify a pattern of abuse in your relationship with someone. This is also beneficial for those who can report abuse on behalf of someone who is unable to on their own:
We must all work collectively to ensure that relationships remain exactly what they’re meant for: a safe and faithful space built on love, trust, and respect. Doing our individual bit in being kind to everyone, ensuring that we don’t let others feel uncomfortable in our presence, and being a positive and joyous part of someone’s life will go a long way in ensuring that society recognizes and changes how abuse in relationships is extremely problematic. By punishing offenders appropriately, and rehabilitating and supporting survivors, we can one day achieve a wholesome environment for each and every individual in this society, irrespective of their class, caste, race, or sexual orientation. Join us making every relationship a #healthyrelationship.
If you or anyone you know are dealing with abuse, please reach out to me or to a domestic abuse line to seek help.
As always, be legendary KINGS; be extraordinary QUEENS.
You might think that commitment, love, and honesty are essential elements of a happy married life.
Somehow, it’s right!
But what if you are missing something more essential?
How often do you consider the importance of communication in a marriage? Since two persons are spending most of the time under the same roof, doesn’t imply that they can effectively communicate with each other. To support a happy marriage and build a strong bond with your other half, it is very important that there should be effective communication in your relationship.
A happy married life flourishes with the equal exchange of beliefs, desires, and emotions. Indeed, communication is perhaps the basic foundation of a successful marriage. Most marriages go through unpleasant moments, which can completely change the way of communication, a couple used to have. Many couples make bad habits and devastating patterns when things aren’t working out in a good way.
It’s even worse than it sounds!
So, as a couple, you need to know the importance of communication in your marriage, which will lead you to a better life.
How can somebody know the reality of another person like who they really are? We don’t have the instincts or the capability to read the thoughts of other people. By sharing your personal experiences or ups and downs, you can connect intimately with somebody for sure. The same works well for a happy marriage too. Rather than just having body contact, it’s also essential to have an emotional attachment with your life partner. When you have shared even small events of your life, doesn’t matter what it is (something about your past memories, or wishes like a long drive, paint the walls together, etc.), this openness will unite the couple forever and cause them to feel like a single unit. When you start realizing what is in your life partner’s heart and mind, you can resolve any problem efficiently and quickly.
Communication is a great approach to express your emotions and heart feelings with your partner. It’s not essential to show the affection and love that you feel for your partner in words. But being vocal and expressive is the best possible way of showing your emotions towards your partner, which would prompt a better understanding.
Couples who often communicate, talk about their lives, or speak with one another not only have a great connection, yet, it additionally assists them to have a much stronger bond with one another. At this point, when you understand your partner and the hectic events they might be managing, there would be little chances for misconception or misinterpretation.
There are times when you don’t even want to communicate with each other when you try to give silly excuses and will probably stop the conversation right there. It might work in your support once or twice. However, over some time, you might start to escape any situation by telling lies. When there isn’t anything to hide from your partner, why do you need to make up false stories and ruin your chances of having a happy married life? At first, it might sound right to hide some stuff from your partner, but this behavior only shows that you don’t respect your partner and relationship. You owe it to your partners to let them know what is happening in your life, and try to handle the situations together and move forward.
How about we look at this topic from a different angle. What are the consequences of not communicating with your partner? When your partner doesn’t share any stuff with you, that means he/she isn’t willing to share his/her life too. Keep things secret or personal, avoid any argument or misunderstanding, want to be separated instead of spending quality time together, all these aspects can play a huge role in your separation or breaking your bond. It might not be the situation of every couple, yet sometimes, not being emotionally attached to your partner might give you thoughts of finding this connection in someone else. Regardless of how much a person can try to prevent themselves from choosing this path, but when your heart isn’t happy or satisfied, it always tries to find its satisfaction at any cost.
You can talk about all that is important or other crazy events that occurred during the day. You enjoy together and make some extraordinary memories discussing some cheerful parts of your life. This sort of communication assists you in making a much stronger connection with your soulmate since you share some happy and fun moments together.
Each marriage has its own ups and downs. So, it is essential to discuss and analyze the qualities and shortcomings of your relationship with one another. Such discussions assist the relationship in becoming strong. Furthermore, it helps with settling on any significant changes or choices throughout everyday life.
It is a proactive sort of discussion that isn’t affected due to some need or interest, dissimilar to the communication referenced above. These sorts of communications inspire having beautiful conversations that incorporate discussing your desires, dreams, fears, hopes, and so on. It includes significant discussions that can prompt strong connections. These are exceptionally intimate discussions as it gives you insights of the private life of your partner.
Phone calls, emails, or text messages are not the right choice for having deep conversions. In a marriage, even less complicated conversations should happen face-to-face. Face-to-face communication assists you and your partner in giving the required clarity. It will bring confidence back in your marriage. If you can’t manage to talk face to face, you should postpone the discussion for later.
Communication should not happen anytime without being planned. Effective communication should be well-planned when both of you are ready and free to discuss. In this way, you can ask your partners if they can save some time for the conversation. The suggested time to initiate a complicated conversation is before you go to sleep or after having your dinner. But avoid starting a discussion while in bed.
Sometimes people are confused about what causes a lack of effective communication in a marriage. Mostly, it’s just because you don’t know how to resolve or handle disagreements in a positive way. In the end, you begin to push each other away and make things worse and impossible to resolve even in the future.
It is the reason I generally highlight the significance of “don’t play the blame game” because it’s only going to make your partner tired. Focus on how you’re coming to your final conclusion. For instance, there is a huge gap between “your work is more important than spending time with me” and “I miss spending quality time with you”
One more thing to remember, when your partner is sharing some stuff that makes them feel emotional, you should prove that you’ve understood it properly by repeating it once again. Like “Alright, I see what you’re trying to say. I can improve my routine and spend some time with you after my work.”
If you really want things to work out, start doing efforts!
Try to focus on the present while discussing marriage issues with your partner. Referencing the previous events will negatively influence the present. Every one of you might have messed up many events. Thus, if you remind your partner, it will cause frustrations and create a communication gap. Just focus on the present issue and stick to it. Ensure it adds value to your relationship. As you start communicating, try to be polite and respectful.
You can observe many people initiate arguments to make their point rather than listening to their partners in a fight. If you like to fix communication problems in your marriage, you should figure out how to listen and understand. Your goal should be resolving the issue, not winning the argument.
Work on your listening abilities, try to figure out what your partner wants to say, and use it as a tool to assist you in analyzing the situation from their perspective. Put yourself in their shoes! If you find yourself wrong, accept your mistake immediately. Showing sensibility and humility will get you much further than pointing fingers at your partner to prove yourself right.
One great idea for settling down issues altogether is to start asking questions to your partner when you’re sure about their answers. It helps both of you to agree on some common perspectives. The more agreements or similarities you find, the simpler it will be to find solutions.
Non-verbal communication is as strong as verbal communication. It includes body language, revealing the situation of the person in an argument. It is essential to maintain eye contact with your partner while talking about anything. Direct eye contact implies that you are interested and participating in the discussion. In many cases, body language reveals our state of mind in any argument. The last thing you can do is to show your lack of engagement in the conversation. However, it is significant to find out positive non-verbal gestures to communicate effectively.
Most married couples respond too soon if their partners mess up. It is very casual for all human beings to react quickly to bad events, yet it should not be instant. Try as hard as you can to control yourself. Give yourself enough time to think about the issue that may result in a better situation or a good starting point. When you discuss immediately, your frustration will take charge of your speech, and it might become hate speech.
Communicating with your partner doesn’t mean sharing all the stuff on your mind like news, frustration, anger, and head out for your ways. Effective communication implies that being there for each other whenever your partner needs your support and emotionally comforts them. Many couples think that communication means say things whatever they want and then leave the room. Actually, when you open up to your partner, you likewise open the chances of receiving information. Generally, in life or marriage, we all really want to be needed by someone. And when your partner is there for you, no situations are bad enough, and no arguments are significant enough to split you apart from your partner.
So. regardless of how tired you are or how much work you need to do, ensure you take out some time in a day to have some significant discussion with your partner. In case that you find nothing to discuss, get silly or crazy, and share some generous laughter with one another. It is essential to speak your heart out consistently to keep the affection alive in your marriage.
As always, be legendary KINGS; be extraordinary QUEENS!
Arguments in any relationship are considered a negative thing. People see disagreements as a contemplative crack in a relationship. Even some people also state that the process of arguing with your partner provides awareness of different opinions and facilitates talk. So, arguments and conflicts are somehow essential that would be useful for healthy relationships. Specifically, if you are arguing with your partner for their own good. In this way, the topics which bring arguments will also tell you about the importance of your relationship. It gives you a chance to think about your core values and being vocal about how you are feeling about your relationship.
No one is perfect. We may realize that we are vulnerable, but you don’t have to make your partners feel like they are vulnerable too. We expect a lot from our partners, so we think they are perfect in many ways, and they know everything. But sometimes, we might think our partners behave typically, as they don’t get what we actually want to tell them. Passing judgments about what our partners know is an easy task but trying to understand their point is hard. Respecting their opinions and take time to understand them is very important for a healthy relationship. It doesn’t matter what your assumptions are, but it is more important to think about what we both need together to keep your relationship or marriage alive.
Arguing with your partner is good and can be beneficial to your relationship. Some of the benefits are:
All couples argue. It is a natural phenomenon, but when you find yourself fighting more, then it’s time to wonder about “Are we completely lost it? or How many times we have to argue over the same topic?”
A clinical psychologist in New York City, Joseph Cilona, discusses that There is no accurate formula used frequently to navigate conflict in a relationship. Before thinking that your relationship is doomed due to continuous fighting over a week, you have to calm yourself down because it is common to disagree with your partner in a relationship. A Ph.D. and a clinical psychologist, Ramani Durvasula, says that occasional arguments with your partner are a good thing. She also says that When partners fight each other, it means they care about each other. When you don’t argue in a relationship, it means one of you has given up. It also states that you are not sharing your true feelings, and you don’t trust that your partner can understand your feelings. So, it is significant to fight fairly instead of wondering how much you guys fight with each other.
Here are some tips which help you to fight productively.
Take a pause. So, you can’t throw out something hurtful that you will regret later. Sometimes it is difficult to think before you speak in a heating argument when you are emotional. Staying quiet for some moment will allow you to clear your mind before you initiate the discussion again. A few seconds will give you enough time to think about how much you care about your partner? And how can you say these things to your partner that sound terrible? In this way, the situation will become calm, and kind and you will become more likely to hear what your partner is saying.
A psychotherapist in New York, Meg Batterson, describes that If you start with blame or accusation, then your partner will never hear what you wanted to say. Instead, they feel at fault, and you wouldn’t get through it. Using words like “I’m hurt” instead of “You hurt me” will change the argument in a productive dialogue, and the partner will go defensive. You are in a partnership, and you have to be strong enough to make your relationship stronger. So, share what you are feeling with your partner. It will provide you solutions to your problems, and you both get close to each other.
Unfortunately, people start character assassination of each other in their arguments which make things worse. They make their arguments, personal attacks like name-calling or how they look, etc. It is very unhealthy for your relationship. So, one should avoid it.
A relationship expert and psychologist, John Gottman, says that one of the main reasons for diversity is when your partner attacks your character rather than telling you the main reason that upsets them.
You are constantly fighting over the same issue, and you are upset that this will become problematic for your relationship. So instead of accusing your partner of some of their faults, tell them.
There is always more tendency to speak than to listen when we are fighting over something. We are eager to express our all feelings rather than listening to what our partners feel or think.
The person who has the issue should be the one who has to listen more. Batterson says that You should listen first and let your partner know that you are hearing him instead of defending yourself and your feelings. This technique is beneficial because it shows that you care about your relationship more than you care about your thoughts or perspectives. It will let your partner know that you are listening and you know from where they are coming. You will have a more productive dialogue about the issue and, then the conflict will get settled alternatively.
The reality is after some time, we’ll come to know that how exactly our partner will respond, as it is a scripted discussion. Batterson suggests that if you want to fight better, change the way to say things. Because you are fighting over the same issues, you are now the consequences also. So, change how you say stuff. The important thing is that you frame your arguments in a kind and respectful way so that you are also giving a chance to your partner to express their thoughts to you.
Some people keep their conflicts to themselves when they are angry with each other. Because they don’t like to argue and don’t want to harm their relationship at any cost. But It is saying that Avoiding the problems in a relationship is more harmful than it is helpful for your relationship.
People who are more likely to talk about their conflicts to their partners are happier in their relationships. People who stay silent and blame their partners for lack of communication are more unhappy in their relationships. The social scientist and the bestselling author, Joseph Grenny, conducted a study in which he says that people that don’t talk about their problems and try to avoid them, then as a result, it will get worse. The biggest mistake you make is to fool yourself and don’t think about the problems that will reduce the chance of an argument.
Don’t ever threaten about leaving your partner in your arguments. It will have a damaging influence on your relationship. It is easy to let your emotions out, but you should try not to threaten them by talking about divorce. Your words have a lasting impact on your partner and cause them to feel insecure in the relationship even after your flight is over with them.
According to experts, if fighting with your partner leads you towards physical or mental abuse, then it is a red flag for you, and you have to need psychological help. Couple arguing is healthy when there is no emotional or physical abuse present in their fight.
Durvasula says that Sometimes seeing with an open eye can help you observe that your communication is going towards the wrong side. And you will feel things have crossed the line, then talk to a therapist, couple counselor, or someone trustworthy as soon as possible. If you are arguing a lot, and it is now making you depressed, then you both need professional help. Also, when you both can’t get rid of it by yourselves. Cilona also says the same thing, if one of you in a relationship is upset, has a feeling of fear, or any other negative vibe related to your relationship, then it’s time to address it.
While we know that arguing in a relationship is healthy and beneficial, that doesn’t mean you will make it a routine task. It doesn’t mean you should pick a fight now and then because arguing is healthy. It is essential to know the type and level of arguments. Just because you like to win and make your partner lose in the discussion, your argument becomes a disaster for your relationship. You should always be constructive. Again, the problem isn’t in arguing but how you choose to put your points across. You don’t have to know the difference between toxic arguments and constructive arguments. Don’t get confused between the toxic fights with healthy arguments. You should know the proper way to argue with your partner, and your choice of words also makes a difference.
Arguments turn into toxic ones when it starts including, abuses, hurting each other, and calling each other disrespectfully. Big arguments are the signs of fading love and unsuccessful relationships. So, you can argue but in a good way.
Do not attack your partner while arguing. It is not a war. There is a difference between arguing for good reasons or bad ones. The conclusion of your arguments should be a win-win situation for both of you. You should try to make your tone soft and sweet while arguing with your partner. Talking loudly or screaming at the other person always make the situation difficult and worse. Your arguments should be an exchange of views do not an exchange of bad words. If it occurs by chance, then set your ego aside and apologize to your partner. Your purpose behind the arguments should be expressing your views, not taking revenge on your partners. Generally, we observe that women love to talk about any issue while men always seem interested in avoiding the discussion. In these cases, find some spare time. Don’t insist on discussing the issue at the same time when it occurs or when your partner is not comfortable discussing it. Stay on the same topic while arguing. It seems that some people dig out graves in the name of arguing. Using an old memory just in the name of a weapon or use it against your partner is the most irritating thing. You can avoid situations in which arguments turn into dirty ones. So, take a break for some time and relax and then talk about the issue again.
Accepting the perspectives of each other in a good way is very healthy for relationships. Arguing in the right spirit is good and constructive. Arguing with your partner is natural. It is justified as both the people in a relationship have some differences at some point. No argument is better than your relationship with your partner at the end of the day. It all matters how you deal with it.
As always be legendary KINGS; be extraordinary QUEENS!